'All people in this world only know my name.

No people in this world understand how I feel. Because I never want to let people know how fragile I am. In many eyes, I am that bitch, I am always laughing and running all over the place to irritate others. I am sure people still judge me after reading this. "Why you always act so pity?" "You think people will care about you?" This world is judgemental. I have no rights to control how you feel about me. I just want to say I am not that forever happy. I cried alot. I think alot. I am just a normal girl.

This story in fact too long. Too hurting to remind of. It is a fact that I ditched J. And I threw the ring he gave it to me at him. What gave me the courage? He was someone I used to love so much. Of course I wanted that relationship to work out. But it didn't seemed to be. At that moment, isn't my heart breaking. Isn't I am crying. HE NO LONGER LOVE ME. He moved on so fast. J still said he don't love me since March which is 6 months before we broke up. What is the point of me holding onto this relationship. But who knows. Everyone listened to him. Who listened to me? I don't know how he portray me. Serious. I never have that courage to ask. Knowing that someone you loved so much, speaking ill things behind you. That day I missed him so much that I cried so badly in class. I get no consolisation. I rememebered how you all said, "她以为哭就赢了。那我们也会哭。" It was him, Shaun and Yee Wei. Ya. I am weak. I cried for someone who don't love me anymore. But you just have no idea how much it hurts. It doesn't matter you. Because you are not the one getting all these shit. Especially, Yee Wei. You called me bitch in front of everyone. You know how hard I went through those days. You know?! Yes. I am that bitch that he said. He is forever right and I am forever wrong. Just because he is your friend. Not only that, you guys are all against me in class, called me bitch, laughed at me, go around telling tales. This is the amount of hates I have for you all. Only with hate, I can continue to live on. I told myself to be strong. I told myself everything will be over very fast. In one year time, I will be out of this school. I will be happy again. Have you went through this? Do you know how it feel to be outcast by everyone? Do you how hard for me to be happy outside when every parts of me are dying inside? Do you know?!

If you think your sorry is enough for everything, I am here to tell you: It is never enough. What is done had been done. Nothing can change. The impact is there forever. Every shit that you did to me, I will never forget. This called Hate. I am no longer that girl that easy get bullied. I will get back everything from you. Just wait. 

Only Eddie hold onto me. He told me jokes everyday to make me smile. He taught me how to move on. He made friend with me. He was there. And I promised myself no matter what, I am going to have him in my life forever. He is my best friend. Of course, I never forget about Ding Que, Ling Li, Yan Tind and etc. They pull me through. Sorry if I never mentioned you. But in my heart, I am very thankful.

I wanted to say that failure relationship only concern me and him. We both have faults. I am not pushing all the blame to him. I only say out what I know.

Whenever people ask me about my Secondary School life, I smiled and said it was great. In my mind, I only remembered hate. I remembered how hard I survive through.

As for Peien, you know I am really puzzled why you are so angry that time. You ask if a boy and a girl can have a pure friendship. I believed in that so I gave you a reply and an example. Like you and Victor. Aren't you two one boy one girl? Aren't you two having a pure friendship? But you think I gl you and complained to Victor. I gave in because I don't want him to be in delimma. Just because I know you are his sister and how important you all are to him. But just now, I was just joking because me and him were talking BA, and he said he is losing out to me. You judged my tweets again. You started, and i followed. I don't mean to gl anyone.

You mentioned that I am very clingy, you can't even talk to him because I will make a fuss. Yes. I am very clingy. I need a lot of love. You have fucking no idea how hurt I am in my past relationship. I believed J. In the end, this is what I got back. This is what he taught me. This is the kind of Love I learnt. Put yourself into my shoes.

Dear, you totally don't know how much time I took to recover. Everytime, you went out with your friends, you never text me at all. I know I am not important to you. I knew it. I thought you were same as me, excited to receive my messages. I am wrong. I am the only one who are excited. I reply you fast. Just because I cared for you so much. I put you as my first while I am your last.

I still can get over this. But nothing hurts me more is what you told me, "朋友是一生，女朋友是暂时的." And you chose Yee Wei over me. Someone who I hated so much. You remembered how you told me? If you don't, I can remind you.

Me: "I don't feel like going to tomorrow BSG outing."
You: "Why?"
Me: "I just don't feel like it. We go out tomorrow okay?"
You: "But Yeewei asked me to go pei him."
Me: "Then?"
You: "So I am going."

Yes. Friends are more important. I am not important. That night I can't sleep at all, hoping you will change your mind. You never. I initiated a break up because I am already too tired for it. After a while, I start to miss you. I even begged you to a extent which my mum called me cheap. That night I had a nightmare, a nightmare which I will never forget. I dreamt myself begging you to come with me, I am screaming, shouting, begging and crying. You walked away with your friends. Can you feel how hopeless I am. I even told you I want to make friend with your friends if you can give me chance to get back together. Because of you, I am willing to put down the hatred. You never give me chance at all. Do you know what is the feeling? Everyday crying over phone, sending you long and multiple texts for forgiveness. You ignored it.

Then now Pei En said I only know how to act pity on Twitter. Indeed, I find myself very pity. I don't have to act. Your friend said it that to me. Are you going to scold her? No right. It is okay. I am the one crying there, not your friend. Your friends are important. Just don't care me. If you still want to scold me, just go ahead. I am one in fault. Your friends are never in fault.

我学会了。朋友比你重要。

This lesson I learnt it in a very very very hard way. I also know my quarrelings with Peien and Yeewei will never get your forgiveness. It is possible to give me up because of them and it is impossible for you to give up on them because of me. This is the Love that you taught me. 朋友是一生. I am the extra one. I will leave.

You told all your friends about me. They judged me. Until now, I am still trying to keep your reputation. I know how much it hurts when everyone hate you.

Hey people. Nothing to do in school library. I am waiting for lessons which starting in the next 45 minutes. So bored. As I was saying that I blog about my school next time, but I really have nothing to talk about it. Sigh. How I wish my life would be more exciting. Anyway, I have a good news to share. Interested? HAHAHAHA. I also not very interested in my good news. LOL.


I GOT INTO TPDE.

It was quite surprising for me. I totally screwed up during the audition. I stood there and laugh. Oh gosh. The teacher must be mad/blind to choose me. Or maybe he loves my laughter. *blush* Many told me that TPDE need a lot of commitment, and I may not able to withstand the trainings. This makes me to think twice to join. ):

Projects are starting soon. I don't know how to ask my friends to start. I hate awkward. ): And I am really running out of ideas of what to write. Give me some idea on Twitter.

The song above is nice. Mad by Ne-yo. Lyrics here. (:


Girl, I don't wanna to go bed mad at you